Tales from the land of online dating

 So most of you know I have been trying online dating and boy are there some interesting people out there.  Lots of nice ones, but some others...
So lets start with the basics.
Photos.  Please. I have posted examples of two of my favorites.  The laying on the couch shot (I see my running shoes and other crap I drop when I walk through the door) and the bathroom mirror pose (I think I gain points for the attempted duck face and the double mirror, but my lose some because you can't see in my shower or see my toilet) .  These were taken post run so I am extra sexy :).  I don't know why everyone posts these on their profile.  They don't make me want to start up a conversation.
Then there is the actual profile.  I would like for you to tell me things about yourself beyond your profile reading "I'm an open book.  Ask me anything you want."  But it also shouldn't be longer than a George R.R. Martin novel.  And my personal favorite profile is, as follows,  with my thoughts- and I am sure yours (I know at least one other friend echoed my thoughts almost verbatim when I let her read this) edited in:
"I'm ___ I'm 29 and I just recently turned single."  I like how he turned single.  So can I turn coupled?  "I work at ______ I'm a _____.  I don't wana be doing it for the next 5yrs  I'm gona do my best to move up even higher."  Ok,  you do that. "I'm a great Singer and awesome dancer.  I learned how to dance from a stripper so I have talent in other areas as well."  Ok, I just feel like this statement also means you might be bringing some extra baggage to the table which requires monthly treatments. And I know that is probably not an accurate assessment of the health of strippers but it is my first reaction.  And the most awesome part of the profile... " I'm awesome in bed I can literally vibrate while I... you know that's all I'm saying"  Really that is where you decide on discretion?  I would have started around the dance section.  Needless to say I did not respond to him.  A honorable mention for profile WTF is:  "I'm Mexican and my love is like a Mexican."  What does that even mean?
And once you are past the profile it is onto messages.  I have previously talked about the text speak and it is still rampant.  Please at least write a full sentence in introduction.  "hey u cute send me something back kisses" is not going to get a response ever.  I also love the overuse of emocons and exclamation marks.  I use them a lot (I know this, more importantly you know this about me).  But if your message is made up of about half of these there is an issue.  From my inbox (I had previously responded back to a hello message and this is what I got back):  "I'm good!!!!  And you????  My name is _____!!  What's yours? :)"  And then when I did not immediately respond I got this "How come you won't talk to me???"  "Did I scare you off already??? LOL!!!"  And while he is probably a very nice person, I know also know that he is way to needy for me.  Way too needy.
Last, if anywhere in your profile you say you are married it ain't going to happen and separated is still married.
I think I am done for now.  I will probably have more very soon...